Sometimes I get this feeling that I am like a fish out of water. (Not that I know what a fish out of water will feel like. Maybe the way I will feel in water. I guess it's the proverbial fish we are talking about.) The one that is out of the familiar place. I need my familiar place, my happy corner. But no matter how much I try, I can't come up with this happy place. Where is it? What exactly am I looking for? Am I on the right path or did I take a wrong turn a few streets ago? is this a one way street with all the traffic coming from the opposite direction?
So many times it just happens that people are talking to me but all I can hear is noise. Words don't make any sense. They might as well be speaking some other language. Is it just ADD or does my mind just turn off at times. I feel like I want to run away. Maybe I am just too lazy to run away. Can we get a cab here please?
The words trip over each other while trying to get out. The tongue falters. The mind stubs it's toe. The thoughts appear too many and too fast but vaporize even faster. The mind is a blank slate one moment and a mesh of live wires the next. Which one diffuses the bomb? Red or blue? Or is it mauve? or azure?
What exactly is my problem? Do I think too much or too little? Am I too laid back or is it that I have stopped caring? Do I worry too much or not enough? Why do I always think in questions?
What if the problem is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?
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