Came back from this amazing trip across a bunch of national parks in Utah with the family. Drove the length and breadth of the state in a week. Something close to 2k miles! I planned the itinerary in detail and finalized all the little details. This is very unlike me. I like to control the holiday itinerary but this was another level. I drove like a maniac. I was stressed out every minute of that vacation but I made sure everyone else had a good time. I drove like the end of the world is near. My world, that is.
I was dealing with a health scare. Yeah, the same one from last year. I thought it came back with a vengeance. I thought there was a finality to it this time. Everytime I thought it was a blip, the symptoms would came back. I just could not put the thought out of my mind. Every waking moment I was thinking of the finality of it all. I spent my time thinking about the messages I will leave behind for both the kids. You know the "open this on XXX" kinds? Time permitting, I plan to have two each; one for the graduation and one for the wedding. I have one of the four about partway done.
When we embarked on this vacation, my thought was that this is the last time I get to do this before the elder kid goes to college. Who knows if/when the next one will be? During the trip, I kept thinking that this was the last time I might get to do this, period. If that is how things turn out to be eventually then I wanted to have this one last big one with the kids. I couldn't take my eyes off them, I just couldn't have enough of them just in case there is something to this whole thing about afterlife.
Towards the end of the vacation, they mentioned that this was the best vacation ever. If this happens to be the last of it's kind, I hope everyone remembers it for the good time they had and not as the last good time they had with me. They have memories and a lot of pictures atleast. I am told I can't take much of it in afterlife.
The symptoms seem to have subsided since yesterday. Maybe I will get it checked. Maybe I won't. However the cards fall, I have learnt to treat every vacation as my last.
