I Dream for you

This is something I have felt really strongly about for quite a while now. Now that I am a daddy, it makes all the more sense to me to write about it now. This ruffles my feathers like few things do.

The issue here is parents playing a deciding role in a child's choice of career. Being a traditionally close-knit society, it is very obvious that parents would have a say in the direction that their kid's life takes. Often times parents will guide a kid through the career choices and help them decide what's right for them. Some parents have perfected it to an art form though.

Growing up, I had a few friends/acquaintances whose parents had decided what career path they will choose when they will grow up. Most of the times, this was not up for discussion or debate, it was a decision. If the mom/dad decides that you will be a doctor, then you have to be a doctor. no two ways about it. doesn't matter if you don't have the aptitude or will for it. It was drilled into their brains from such an early age that the kid will not be able to think of an alternate career. What this mostly resulted in was the kids wasting a lot of time to get into the profession that their parents chose for them or feeling dejected because they were not able to fulfill their parents' wishes. This led to some really drastic results in some cases.

My grandma wanted my dad to be a doctor. My dad went to a medical school to fulfill her wishes but his heart wasn't in it. He left after wasting a year and then went on to get a law degree (and never practiced!). When it was time for me to choose a career path, dad wanted me to be an architect. Unlike other parents though, he didn't tell me this till it was almost time to choose a career. (most cases parents start this as soon as their kid can understand words and in some cases even before the kid is born). I didn't want to be an architect and told so to my dad. Period. End of discussion. I became a telecom engineer. If I hadn't become one, I was willing to give Accountancy a try (and he was ok with that). Later on he asked if I wanted to do IAS. I refused again. And once again there was no showdown, no "how could you not fulfill my wishes" stuff. Just an "it's your life, do what feels right". Some "well-meaning" relatives tried to interfere but dad was adamant that I should get to choose what I do in life.

One of my classmates wasted two years trying to be a doctor. Some others went into professions that their parents wanted them to be in and spent quite a few miserable years trying to make their parents happy.

My analysis is that in most cases, either the parent couldn't become what they wanted to be due to some reason or the other and want their kid to fulfill their dream/ambition or they just decide that X career choice will result in a lot of name and fame so their kid should choose that, regardless of the kid's capability.

I decided long time ago that I will NEVER ever do that to my kid. But there was a nagging suspicion that maybe when I will become a father, I will think differently. But no, so far, I don't feel so. I will guide my kid(s) whenever they need my guidance but I will not decide things for them.

I wish the parents will stop dreaming through their kid's eyes and the kids will stop bearing the burden of their parents' failed ambitions.