Hanging by a thread

 Forever plus many moons ago, I read a story which goes something like this...

A kid is fed up of his daily struggles at school and wishes to get over all this mundane life of going to school, homework, routine etc and he wishes he can just skip to when he can control his destiny. He meets the fairy godmother (or djinn or satan or tooth fairy, doesn't matter) and gets this device where he can pull this golden thread to fast forward his life. The more thread he pulls out, the more he gets to skip. You get the idea. The condition being, he can't go back as the thread disappears once it is taken out. (sidebar: in my mind, I always pictured this as a floss dispenser. This is before I ever saw a floss dispenser in my life. And I have never been able to use a floss dispenser ever without feeling a bit of apprehension. Yes, I have issues. But that's a story for another day).

So, this kid promptly pulls the thread and moves to his youth, doesn't like the rigmarole of college and pulls more and realizes that the thread is silver now and he is an adult. Life is tougher. There is a job to go to and bills to pay. Fast forward, pull some more, get to bronze thread, family and kids, more responsibilities, more stress, more pulling, regular thread now, middle age, health to worry about, pills to imbibe, kids college to worry about, more pulling, very thin and dirty thread, old age, various afflictions, loneliness, longing for the age of golden thread etc etc...you get the idea...

I don't remember how the story ends but I am sure it's got something to do without enjoying the fucking moment etc but there are times in my life I have wished for this floss dispenser so that I can fast forward the tough times and just get to the good parts. 

Today was a crisis of confidence kind of day. I always thought I had more talent than ambition. Today was the day that made me believe the other way. Today was the day where I wish I could pull the thread and get to the good parts. 

But lately, any such thought is accompanied by the worry about pulling too much of that thread. Having this strong belief that I have less than a third of my life left, what if I miss the parts where my kids are still designing the Halloween costumes. Where they are still dependent on me to log into the computer. Where I still make pancakes for them. Where my wife still loves me. What if I miss the parts where I can still eat a pizza without worrying about the consequences. What if I miss the part where I can still call the loved ones. I don't even know which part of the thread I am on. Do I have some silver left or am I already too far down the dirty thread already.