I have realized that our actions are conscious but their basis seldom is. This struggle that we always run away from is what keeps returning to us. To face it or to make it an excuse for what we could have been but are not , is in our hands.
As I complete 5 years in the same job, many a question spring forth in my usually barren mind. Have I become so comfortable here that I dread the change that another job might bring? Am I scared of having to prove myself again? But then isn't that what I do in every project I go to. Will it be very different with a new job? I know I work hard but is that certain spark missing? The spark that makes the difference between a job and a career?
I have never considered this job to be my career. Maybe that's the reason that I am unwilling to fight if things don't go my way. I give my best to every thing I do becuase I have to prove to myself that I can do it. I am my own toughest critic. But as soon as the inner me is satisfied that I can do it, I lose interest in the job.
I know for sure I won't be doing this job forever. Though I don't know (yet!) what I will do. But I am certain that this is not it. Once I had the ambition to go high, higher than the mountains whose tops are lost in clouds. Time has made a realist of me though.
Here's to finding new frontiers, to reaching for the moon, to looking at the sun with just my hand to shade my eyes and to aiming for the stars..."Ad Astra, Per Aspera".
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2 comments:
"Time has made a realist of me". Would that pretty much sum up every action of yours?
So wouldn't per aspera ad astra bring you back to the ground :)
No. That doesn't sum up all my actions. Who says a realist cannot dream. Or a dreamer cannot act on his dreams to make them part of reality. Sometimes I do like to dream with my eyes open. I can't categorize my actions under any one heading. I believe I crossed that point long ago.
Guess it is the struggle of the left and the right part of my brain. Or the heart and the mind. Even though my cranium and it's contents insist that I am a realist but the 72 signals that my heart sends every minute are in constant contradiction with it.
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