Some 16-17 weeks into being unemployed, the truth is starting to hurt. There are lots of moments of self doubt. There are lots of times when I start to think that maybe, just maybe, the detractors were right.
There have been some rays of hope but there always have been many slips 'tween the cup and the lip. As I heard recently - it is not the despair that kills you, it's the hope. I have been trying to keep my tits chin up but it is hard at times.
I went to Boulder for a literature festival recently. It was good to get away from the constant search for the job but most of the weekend was spent questioning myself on what right do I have to spend the money and enjoy myself when I am not earning. The spouse has been a lot more supportive this time around than than the last but I am always fearful on when her patience will run out.
Also attended a conference recently. Big ego boost to present and have people come to me for "my experience". Felt like an imposter all the time and had to go against the grain to network but it was a good break from the routine.
Anyway, on the positive side, this was a better week. 3 irons in the fire. I hope I am able to close 1 or more of them. Has done the confidence a whole lot of good. I hope I am in a position to choose and, if so, I choose wisely. Not for what might look good to others but what is best for me...
