Here we go again

Two weeks into the new gig and the day of the first paycheck. Woohoo and all that..!!!

The imposter syndrome hasn't hit yet though there is a ton here that I haven't not done earlier. However, I somehow feel confident that this is all solvable. I just need to go about it methodically and, to a certain extent, ruthlessly. I don't have enough of a career left to be nice to all folks. I still feel that the money doesn't compensate for what all I need to solve here.

Not that I had any other offer in hand but looking at how other companies are dealing in thousands and millions and getting good press while I am counting pennies makes me wonder if this was the right decision in the long term. I think I can spin this eventually to my benefit if I can get a decent tenure here. My thought is to pay my dues for, say, 2 years to buff up my resume and try and get a title bump. Even if not, I should be looking elsewhere to get the money piece. 

Feels good to be employed though. Just about 12-15years to go though

A beginning, and an end

Took a while, but I have signed an offer! 8 months to the day. Much less than what it took last time but 8 long months still. Huge relief though. The knowledge that a paycheck is just a few weeks away is a different kind of confidence boost.

Mixed feelings about this one. The money ain't that great but the title is an improvement. The company is also less well known than the last one so I wonder if it will impact the next search. The stocks are practically worthless. In a weird way, if I stay here longer (and get a promotion or two), the gig will be worthwhile but if I make it a short term gig and go elsewhere in a year or two, I have a potential to make more money sooner.

As it is, the two unemployment stints of 1yr8months collectively have cost a substantial amount in lifetime earnings. Though it is easy to question the decisions in hindsight, I don't have any other options right now. I am horrible during the interview process and I know that's the reason I lost a few gigs I would have earned more money at (though I would have been downright miserable at some of them).

On top of that, with the start date only 2 weeks away, the imposter syndrome is raising it's ugly head. The "what if" and the "what if I can't" and the "what if they were right" questions are already popping in my head. I have to work hard and be a better version of myself and prove them all wrong.

The next search will be harder and with just 12-15years to go in my career, I need to try and get a paycheck during most, if not all of them.