... is that I don't have many friends. No one to call, no one to go out with, no one to discuss my hope and my dreams, my fears and insecurities with.
I have always had many acquaintances but very few friends. Over the years, I have lost quite a few of those that I did have, some over trivial matters, some over not-so-trivial ones.
I often talk to people who say they meet with their school/college friends regularly. I have one friend left from my school days- we talk to each other twice a year - on his birthday and on mine. Just 3 college friends left. Great friends but spread over 3 different continents - one of the them I haven't met in 20+ years, others just once each in the last 5 years. Mostly because they made the effort to come to where I was. The "college reunion trip" just never materializes.
My better half keeps in touch with her college friends. 2 of them live close by. Even thought they meet only a couple of times a year, it's still better than me meeting my friends once in 5 years. The only people I meet regularly is my sibling. Some sort-of-friends meet a couple times a year but they are mostly couple friends rather than ones I can have a friday night drink with.
I try and meet up with people when I am in a new city but these are just work acquaintances. I used to be horrible with keeping in touch but I try and be better. When we were in Seattle, I looked forward to our weekly tennis games and the once-in-few-months "boys night out". I haven't had one of those in over 13 years now. Well, the last life-long friend I made was over 30 years ago. I just have 4 friends to show for 50years of life on this planet.
Reminds me of this line ...."Itne log to hain, phir tanha kyon ho?" - there are so many people around you, why do you still feel lonely?
Still searching for the answer, my friend...